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s8loud · December 3rd, 2007, 07:46 PM

First off, Mr. Gumbo, greetings to you, as I'm not sure we've acquainted ourselves with one another.

In a word, yes, I think you went too far. Here's my take: your (soon-to-be) stepson raised his voice at your fiance (probably) b/c he was not able to deal with the emotions he experienced after you/her told him he couldn't have what he wanted, and that's quite normal for someone his age. Also, the moment you touched him on his shoulder made it a physical situation (whether you intended or not), culminating in you thrusting him up against the wall, and really all that was needed was a different approach (by you and your fiance) in helping your stepson understand and deal with what he was feeling.

Also, the fact that you reciprocated your stepson's negative physical gesture suggests that you lost control as well, and that can't happen in a parent-child relationship if he is to respect you moving forward. That allowed him to take control of the situation by making you react to something he did, thus empowering him even more (albeit falsely, but that's beside the point in a child's mind). If anything, you and your fiance could have just ignored his pleas while sticking to your guns, the lesson being that all the yelling and screaming he could do did not get him what he wanted.

All that said, I can certainly understand why you reacted the way you did, one, b/c we're only human, and two, I have kids of my own, and sometimes they really know how to push your buttons. I know I'm still evolving as a parent, as are most parents I'm sure.

December 3rd, 2007, 07:46 PM	#10 (permalink)
s8loud Afro Resident Resident s8loud is offline Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 161 Thanks: 0 Thanked 43 Times in 30 Posts Rep Power: 8 Credits: 1,044	First off, Mr. Gumbo, greetings to you, as I'm not sure we've acquainted ourselves with one another. In a word, yes, I think you went too far. Here's my take: your (soon-to-be) stepson raised his voice at your fiance (probably) b/c he was not able to deal with the emotions he experienced after you/her told him he couldn't have what he wanted, and that's quite normal for someone his age. Also, the moment you touched him on his shoulder made it a physical situation (whether you intended or not), culminating in you thrusting him up against the wall, and really all that was needed was a different approach (by you and your fiance) in helping your stepson understand and deal with what he was feeling. Also, the fact that you reciprocated your stepson's negative physical gesture suggests that you lost control as well, and that can't happen in a parent-child relationship if he is to respect you moving forward. That allowed him to take control of the situation by making you react to something he did, thus empowering him even more (albeit falsely, but that's beside the point in a child's mind). If anything, you and your fiance could have just ignored his pleas while sticking to your guns, the lesson being that all the yelling and screaming he could do did not get him what he wanted. All that said, I can certainly understand why you reacted the way you did, one, b/c we're only human, and two, I have kids of my own, and sometimes they really know how to push your buttons. I know I'm still evolving as a parent, as are most parents I'm sure.